No happy photos

I am writing this by candlelight as the recent storm has knocked out the power for the third time in as many days. Recently we have been going through a lot as a family after moving from Carlow back whest to the wondrous area known as Carrigaholt. Let me set the picture for you, the week of Emily's communion our landlords agent arrived at the door telling us he was putting the house for sale and giving us two months to vacate the premises. As you may understand the stress and pressure we then fell under was immense. While we were packing our belongings into bags and boxes Sharon had a fall over a box which rendered her practically immobile, we thought it was cracked pelvis or something of the like and continued packing up, with Sharon in a kids wheelchair which a good friend gave to us.

All through this time I was working 8-10 hours a day and Sarah was completing her leaving cert exams. While in the distress we found ourselves brainstorming options. One Thursday I was off we decided to go for a drive to give ourselves time to chat and think, I filled the tank of the car and drove with no particular destination in mind. A few hours later we found ourselves outside the house that we had spent many happy years in.

we both looked at each other in the car and simultaneously said lets look into moving back to Clare.

We explored all the options and found a property that was within our range, sent the emails and within a few days had made the appointment to view the house.

In the mean time I started praying again after neglecting talking to god and generally being a person I did not like being. One day I spoke to God in a way I had never done before a general conversation while driving the 114. I made a pact with him that if he assisted us in our plight I would return to the church and try to be the person I know I can be.

D Day arrived and we set off for Carrigaholt to meet with our perspective landlords. After taking one wrong turn we arrived at the house with a few minutes to spare before our appointment.

At this time Sharon had still some mobility and we viewed the house on the Friday morning.

Another family were due to come after us but they never showed.

That Sunday I went to church in Carlow with my friend David Noonan a Christian man with unwavering faith. I wept through the whole service and upon talking to the pastor afterwards I was told I am broken inside but there would be a healing coming into my life. I then wept more knowing we faced dire decisions and the answer was out of our hands

shortly before midnight that day the message we had been waiting for arrived, we were successful and had gotten the house.

We finished packing our possessions and started the arduous task of moving 3 adults and 3 children 2 dogs to the other side of the country. Suffice to say we managed after several trips in our trusty car laden to the gills. I would do my days work and then when finished load the car and head straight to the banner, sometimes arriving at 3 am to drop the stuff off and turn around back to Carlow, many times to grab a few hours sleep and head straight to work to repeat he process the following day, sometimes doing two trips in an evening. Its 300 km one way!!

Everything was great the sun was warm and the children and dogs spent their days on the beach, which is situated at the end of he driveway. I took a week off work and we got down to the business of settling into our new life. Things were great I was working in Dublin a few days a week coming back on my days off. I lost count of the amount of times I almost fell asleep behind the wheel of the car but it dint matter we were happy.

Suddenly like a bolt of lightning Sharon health deteriorated to a stage where she could do nothing for herself. Eventually on the night of Halloween I was able to get the doctor to the house as I couldn't bare to see the woman I love in the constant pain and discomfort she was in. Dr arrived and straight away called the ambulance to have her transferred to hospital. The kids wanted to go trick or treating and I'm ashamed to say I had to go to work also. Holly my daughter went in the ambulance while I brought the girls to meet their classmates and enjoy a bit of the spirit of Halloween. After bringing them home and getting pizzas eaten I left for Dublin.

The next few weeks turned into a living hell for me as I was on a new roster in work with a mix of different shift patterns, the 300 km drive home on my day off was becoming the norm with visits to the hospital 120 km from the house. An endless drudge of tooing and frowing up and down not knowing what was happening with Sharon. Throughout all of this Holly stayed by her mothers side helping ease the burden on the staff. When I would come home Holly and Sarah would change places in the hospital for a few days so they could help each other that way. While holly was home I was off work trying to get groceries etc. sorted in the house.

Christmas crept up on us slowly and we had our Christmas day in the hospital with Sharon, returning home to prepare an unorthodox Christmas dinner, turkey masala. The following day we went to my parents in Dublin to give the girls some sort of normality. I was back to work very shortly after which ment again fragmenting us again for new years eve. I was working till 0035 which was torturous, no passengers on the buses and to make matters worse I had my first and last accident of the year. I finished in Dun Loire around 1145 and was headed back to the Depot when I saw the celebrations unfold in the city centre, I have often worked on NYE but this was different, My wife in hospital and my girls in Clare.

After work I got into the car and headed for home. I arrived home around 5 am with the moon glistening across the bay like a scene from a movie. I got up around 10 am and we celebrated in the usual way with a cuppa and a fry. We went to the hospital for a visit that evening to spend some time.

Again a few days later I was back to work spending as much time at home as humanly possible over the next few months.

Everything was going well I was on split duties working Monday to Friday and this enabled me to spend time both with my parents and then weekends at home and in the hospital. This continued up until March when the Corona Virus hit our shores.

One morning I received a call from the hospital asking me to attend for a meeting with the consultant looking after Sharon. The Bed sores that Sharon has have caused major infections and had required numerous surgeries which is causing complication with the chemotherapy, the doctor took me out to the corridor to explain further that they are monitoring the situation very closely and are extremely concerned. She told me to expect the worst. My wife of just 20 years is fading away in front of my eyes and I have to get ready to be the father I need to be to my fantastic kids.

This brings us up to the present day.

The country is on lock down with the virus as is the rest of the civilised world, Disneyland is closed churches are locked and toilet roll is scarce. Its the worst thing anyone has ever faced. Families are unable to have proper dinners together with this, lovers cant hold hands, police are asking for letters from your employer stating you are essential.

My GP has me signed off work for the foreseeable to see how this pans out and im at home with the girls being teacher, role model, friend and father, when I am able to get to visit the hospital which for now is around once a week I am questioned by security and the ward have to give permission for me to gain access. It is an extremely scary time where three weeks ago I had an income and now I am unsure of the future yet again. It is a cycle I wouldn't wish on anyone.